Aku Ni nTAh APe2!

Aku rasa aku memang terukla..

aku langsung tak pandai jaga hati orang..

aku tak layak untuk sesiapa pon..

aku terukkk!!!!!!!!!!!!

aku nak terjun swimming pool tenggelam kat sana.../


aku tak layak bercinta!!!

aku bodoh tak pandai apa2 pon...!!!!

tak pandai jaga hati orang.. hati aku sendiri aku biarkan...!

dahlaaa.... sesiapa pon dalam hidup aku kalau nak pergi pergilaahhh...!!!

Aku suckkkk!!!! paham????


aku harap tahun baru 2012 dapat berikan cahaya hidup buat aku hidup dengan tenang...!

aku nak mati tapi aku msih ada dosa aku perlu minta keampunan dari Tuhan.

masih ada sesuatu aku perlu tunaikan...

aku perlu perbaiki diri aku dulu..

aku taknak masuk neraka dan aku tak layak masuk surga....

biarlah.... aku serahkan hidup aku kat Tuhan..

Dia saja yg mampu berikan aku ketenangan dan damai..

Buntu Buntu~

Aku buntu..
Nak sambung study tapi kos pembiayaan mahal sangat bagi aku..
Gaji ku entah cukup makan jak.. camne tok?
Plus aku wajib bagi mak aku, datuk nnk aku duit.. yala, cdak kan mok juak makan hasil titik peluh aku..
bingung ku mikir sal duit..

bukanpa ku xmok smbg full study, cgek mun ku smbg rah kch, ku gila lak.. cya banyak kenangan aku ngn manja ku.. dh nya xeply gik msj ku.. slh aku juak dh lepaskannya bok nyesal hati ng cinta ngn nya.. kenak ku bodoh glak.. :( gikpn kos ku tgl kat umah sew lak cmne? mak ku ne da keja.. mok harapkan duit tglan arwah, ya pn pande hbs.. byk gik bnda penting mok dbayar..

ku blom gik byr yuran ku..
ku mok glak study blit. xcukup gji ku tym tok.. cmne mok bli keta lak? cmne mok mbak mak g melancong..

hrm..

Kenapa Harus Aku begini

dear heart..
hati ini milik siapa sebenarnya..
kenapa aku masih lagi tak dapat melupakan si dia..
ku rasakan sayu dalam diri..
aku punya cinta
adalah milik siapa..

kuatkan iman ku Ya Tuhan..
Aku lemah mhadapi cobaan ini..
Aku perlu sokongan..


Bagai bunga yang kaku dalam kaca
begitulah ku rasakan hati ini masih berpaut padanya..
atau kerana aku bjauhan
aku rasa sepi dan rindu........

beri ku kekuatan Ya Tuhan..
Apa sebenarnya mahu hati ku..
Kau telah tunjukkan aku bahawa cinta itu tak mengenal agama..
Kau telah tunjukkan aku cinta sejati..
Kau telah mengajar aku erti mhargai seseorang..

Apa aku ini ditakdirkan
menderita dengan cinta yang tak mahu aku miliki?

Sampai bila harus begini ya tuhan..
Aku perlu bahu seseorang untuk mengalirkan air mata..
Aku tak berdaya lagi menangis dengan hati yang mencari seseorang..

Sungguhpun aku punya teman
tapi tidak sepertinya..
apa itu petunjuk bahwa aku kehilangan cinta yang sememangnya aku cari
selama ini?

Kenapa harus begini
Aku rindu kamu sayang.....
:(
 kau seperti sudah melepaskan aku
untuk selamanya..

kenapa tiap kali aku bercinta
semuanya berakhir dengan air mata...

manisnya cinta itu hanya buat seketika
tapi pahitnya tpahat di hati buat selamanya...

Aku lemah hadapi semua ini..........

The Time Yet To Come

Christmas is just around the corner

Mom and aunt will not be around with us, the siblings

I can't imagine as if my siblings request for inviting their friends to our home

hurm..

And yet

Where should I go during Christmas Eve?

Hoping the best place for myself to forget someone before this new year come

I have to..as what he told me to forget everything..

I won' promise to forget you

But I promise will never let you sad anymore

Wherever you are, my prayer always keep you in God's hand

Now I'm waiting for my offer letter from

Open University Malaysia

I want to further my study since I'm still young

Yet this is to keep myself busy so I won't miss someone so much...

Dear Fadhi,

How I wish you to read my blog...

Don't worry, I won't disturb you..

I try my best to keep the distance from you..

I know that you won't find me anymore..

Pengerindu Tua

My favourite love song :)

Got the Job!

I was working at Columbia Asia Hospital Miri

for 5days

as Finance Assistant

What i have learnt is

people nowadays too greedy 

&

took advantage towards others

Don't get caught by their fake face because

it is not really them

Just wanted to use you for

their own benefit

After few days, I had received an email 

for another interview

then I go and was selected

as

Costing Assistant

I will be starts on 11th July

after going off to KL 

for

a family trip

BUt

there is something

lingering on my head

Someone says

it is better for me

to further my study

but I don't feel that it is

right decision.

Why I said so?

I can see my ability that I am not

really confident to

further

Degree in Accounting

and Yet

I dislike to learn back things that

I had taken before

Coincidently

and not my Choice

Im blur..

Starts to step Forward!

i had my interview in MCMC

now

i am waiting for them to call me back

i don't know whether i will get the job or not

but i have tried my best on it

even though i am not 

a fast learner

my friend also offer me to join him

as his colleague

but i still thinking because i don't know

haha

my brother's gf also ask me to send my resume

to her company

for the vacancy

i don't know which want will stick to me

all i put up to Christ

the best thing comes from Him

indeed

today

i driven from Lutong-Kuala Baram-Emart

for an hour

accompany by my brother

he taught me not to be nervous!

hahahaha!

so

now i am doing nothing

i am just stay at home

and

feel free to open back

my notes as if

i got the job

GOD BLESS ME! <3

"I'm not deserves to decide what i should wears tomorrow"

useless to have own license

without use it for self

people won't know it

u had it or not

just sit and remain silent

people say nothing

feels the anger and be patience

for not having trustworthy

by them

i can't say a words

as for real i'm not deserves

u pay it then u own it

words does not give you a promises

unless u do something

for real i had nothing

money does not come from me

things does not belong to me

for what reason for me to show off things

that does not belong to me

zero poverty

is me.

world begins to give u a new things to start

one step closer

u won't be able to step back

and try to fix what u had done

full of dramas is a routine

on earth

to see a humble and kind person

1 in a 10

to see an arrogant and impatience person

lots on earth

i have learnt

that

"i'm not deserves to decide what i should wears tomorrow"

Finally I graduate on time

For God so love

thank you for accepting my prayers

my efforts has paid off

thank you lord

its have been 3years

for diploma in accounting

everything i have been through

but God never leaves me

indeed

next move is

i am going to hometown

and celebrate Gawai

with my big families

then

i hope i manage to get a job

good job for me

thanks Lord

Thailand....???

hi there, i  am not the one who went to Thailand but my aunt. She went with her bestie, aunt Sandra. She had shown me some pictures that make me think that Thailand is wonderful to visit...^^

okay, let we starts with some pictures :-

Banllaman Hotel~~ they said it is superb! plus 5 stars hotel.. they have paid for almost rm1000 for 3days.. damn so expensive right?? but worthy.. ^^

the place where they bought some souvenir for us.. i don't know what name is this place..lol

my aunt said this is place they living in.. quite unique and it is nice..*because i like blue..lol

 Margarita Live Music! it might be a bar or..club..i don't know..hehe..

i just pick randomly the picture..^^

 Carrefour inThailand...

i like the design anyway..it is just nice and not that tall enough..

Woman next door is my aunt...hehhe!

She still available..=P

 i like this building!!!

very rainbow in colors and it seems like so wonderful to me^^

This is pasar malam  or what in english huh?? forgot already..lol

lots of people enjoying their time and spend money for some souvenir...

very colorful.. ^^

Wowwwww....!!!!

Everybody is enjoy in the beach...

Lots of fish!!!! 

Nice view right????

My aunt & aunt Sandra... ^^ 

the Bacheloritte..lol

I don't know who else still live in this place...

emmm... 

NO ENTRY for 17 and below...

Chetty i guess..lol

I like this!!!!

sooooooOO GreennnNN...!!!

Awesomee & pretty cute..^^

IT might their symbolic...

Lots of pictures i would like to share with but its a LOTTTSS...

so i just can show these few pictures then...hehehe

i hope with u guys enjoy the pictures and u might be there for some day...

me as well.. hope so...^^

So long, that is it guys....see yaaa!! <3

CICI'S PRAWN

sedap x?? hehhee.. i made it but i just simply put ingredient my own ! lol..

looks delicious!!! i called it "CICI PRAWN" HEHHEHE!

Saat ini ku menghargai Tuhan

begitu banyak dugaan aku alami

amarah ku, kekecewaan ku.

semuanya dalam 1.

namun ada 1 perkara yang mbuatku tpaku.

aku berdoa pada Tuhan
menyatakan aku sangat memerlukan Dia
di saat aku bercelaru dan hampa.

Tanpa aku sedari,
Dia menjawab doa ku.

sedikit demi sedikit masalahku

semakin mundur..

dan hidup ku making tenang..

apa semua ini?

pada saat aku sedar Tuhan sentiasa mendampingi aku,

aku tersentuh.

padahal aku sungguh jahat dan berdosa..

Aku punya hati yg mengatakan

Tuhan YEsus tak pernah meninggalkan aku

biarpun ada saatnya aku tidak memanggilnya..

betapa setia kau Tuhan..

semua test2 aku kau berkati..

aku mampu menjawab semuanya wlpun ada yg ku keliru
tapi aku bsyukur drp tak tahu mjawab apa2.

kau mendengar doaku Ya Tuhan........

bagaimana harus ku balas melainkan mengucap syukur padaMu..

dulu aku tak dapat bdoa tanpa membuka mulut..

namun skrg,
aku mampu bdoa di dalam hati tanpa berbisik bdoa padaMu!

aku percaya roh kudus hadir bsama ku..

kau yg tahu segalanya ttg ku,

kau begitu baik..

kau buka pintu hati ku

utk ku bsama2 mereka yg lain menjejak kaki ke mount hosanna..

terima kasih Tuhan..

aku beryukur..

feeling unwell + formal attire??

sore throat

flu

fever me..

on monday, i have moc presentation...

second day, i have real moc presentation which consist 5% marks..

on saturday, there would be a crucial day for student who take this paper
presenting our proposal in formal attire..

formal attire??

i have no money to buy a coat..
and

even t shirt.. =(

i feels bad about this....

but, its okay..

there would be other alternative..

Melody of Life

this morning, i woke up so early.

i cannot slept well last night.
i keep thinking of what happened surrounds me..

the rain is pouring down,
shows the shadows of my sorrow,
with a melody of gospel song,
accompany me this day..

hearts feels calm,
God led me when i fall,
but human being,
all are doing their things
by not considering
people's thought.

its all about dependent on others while
in need,
not when they are having such a wonderful
time..

by the way,
i believed my days be bless
by God,
and so are you..

when i am crying,
i can feels God comfort me,
then i can smiles
God comforts my hearts
He knows who i am,
HE never leaves me.

How great is our God..

today,
i don't go to church.
i have no friends and
transportation with,
but i will keep praying
anywhere
as long as i pray in faith
and God hear my prayer..

confronts with life
in lots of problem
we had,
there is a time
we feel down,
as long as we keep
praying to God,
ask for His wisdom
to lead us in our life

i hope today,
i can living in peace
with the person who hates me
in the same house..

God bless...

Starts to giving up for Lent

yesterday,

all Jesus's believers went to church for ash wednesday..

im not coming because i forgot about yesterday.

after i realized it, i felt so guilty...............................

i hope, by this lent month, i wanted to give up on things to make me closer to God..

i am giving up on not eating much and reflects myself towards my life..

Lord never leaves me..

it is time for us to mourning, fasting and praying more...

may all is well in JEsus's name..

Terrible...

O God..

what a terrible presentation i had this afternoon.

serious, everything was under control.

i am the first presenter straight away being shoot by judges!

especially mdm Azlin... T_T

she keep asking questions even though i have not answered her question!

everybody were speechless throughout the presentation..

now,

we can take a breath as we had settled down for the first presentation and the next presentation would be tougher than this.........

which combining of auditing + finance + tax...

pergh.......


and yet, our group stayed up in the library discussing costing and financial accounting for 7 hours!!! at 2pm-9pm....


not only that, the other groups also doing the same thing but no groups can breaks our record yet...haha

nevertheless, we had a lot of thing to do after this..

life as a student does not easy and thing get worst if we do not really targeting our goal as a student,...

MOrning !!

It's raining in the morning!

today, i have a lot things to do, but yet i cannot do whatever i want as my day was plan by God indeed.. hehe..

i ate fried fries my own, looking outside the window and dreams of my future.

i was thinking, is there anyone doing the same as me?

its cold and i feels warm..






suddenly, i thinking of him...

i wish to meet my bf but he's far away from me.. i just can only miss him for sure..

on 31st Mac, he's going to have an interview as presenter of UiTM Malaysia for his Nano Ceramic project. coincidently, that day is his birthday..

and im still thinking what present i would to give to him..

he will going to Germany for attending the course and i hope i can bought something to make him remember of me always..

he cannot stand of cold.. i am afraid he cannot make it..

i hope he will doing well over there..

i remind of him this day.

hoping the rain could tell him that i miss him.....

Mount Singai

a place where i really wanted to go frequently..


the citizen of Mount Singai told me that there is a miracle happened here long time ago..


he says that old man had been cure by power of God as i believe the old man really prayed in his faith..



God never lies to us..
HE accept our prayers when we are really prayed in faith..

HOw great is our God!

here i shares some pictures from Mt.Singai...





Front view of holy chapel in Mt.Singai



Lord Jesus follower



Father/ Revd homestay




citizens of Mt.Singai preparing themselves to serve Sabbath Day.



Long-House Homestay



Don't tell me you not like it! <3

Regret

today, i had my test for the first in this semester.


i felt so regret with all my workings.

everything so ruined..

i took simply over it because i thought i could make it but no, i am wrong..

God taught me not to be too confident in whatever things in my life.

my friends said the question was so easy and they can assume they manage to get 90% for the paper..

when i heard it, i am so down.....

they shocked when i said i could not make it easy as them. they might think i can success on this, yes, but not with this level of confidence..

when i starts to think about this morning,

i felt so bad.. pretty bad for the test.

it should be in budget cost not in unit! now my day ruined by this feeling....

God really teach me not to do this way in my study...

How great is our God..

i cannot imagine if i am the one who fails this paper and

the worst part is im a repeater!....

i can feels that im far from God.........TT

i prayed when i am in need..

not during my happy times......

sorry Lord.........strengthen my faith................

Its about money.

people get to know you if you are rich,
but people could ignore you if you so obsolete.

they changed because of money.
money does not brings you eternal life.
but money made you survive from poverty.
you are craving for money to have what you wanted to have
till you have no faith to God.

money blinds you day by day.
why you so cares about money?
you showed to others that you have Gucci coat,
Inspirit watch.....
so???
did u think that everyone wanted to be like you to have all this things??

you don't even saying thank you to lord..
but you keep looking for money
and do anything for prosperity!

God showed me this kind of people
who never knows
how to be humble in front of others....

change the attitude of this people in their lifetime.
keep praying for them..
before our neighbors far from the right path..
God bless...

JOY TO THE WORLD!!! =D

thank God i managed to get my license today!! yeay!! =D

im so happy today because God answer my prayer indeed!!! =D

i was the first participant for session 4 so, who don't get nervous, don't you??

but God always by my side and release everything done for me! =)

yeay!!! i am so happy person for today <3

believe me, if u pray in faith, fully with your heart, God knows u, HE listens to U. that is what bible told me so.

and yet, prayer is the power of love in HIM!!

HALLELUYAHHHH!!!!!

May God Bless Me

tomorrow i going for jpj test...

don't ask what i feel... im totally out of my nerves!

today, God teach me not to be too confident over myself.

God teach me to be humble in all things i would do..

today, i falls the parking pole and get backward from Bukit! how awesome are God

warning me for tomorrow!!!!!!!

thank u Lord... TT

im sorry for over confident onto it and i wish tomorrow everything would be okay with God's willing...

i can say that tomorrow is my final exam in driving!!!

what can i say for final year diploma examination????? huuhuhuhuhuhuu


everything i hand over to dearly God..
i take whatever decision HE had make for me...

wish me all the best everyone!

God bless..

sensitive person, i am.

today, i'm a bit touching...

I'm alone at home.. no one accompany me.. my aunt lecture me this morning.. all the food in fridge was her stock for a week but we had used it.. and she asks me to sleep in her front room.. she said she does not get used someone slept with her at night.....
huhu.....

in front of others, she did not mention about what do and don't.. till she and i are alone at home.. she told me that me, my friend and cousin should know budgeting food.. don't overcook the amount of rice..im sorry if we had cook her food but i do accept her advise..

maybe we were wrong.. but we just cook over what we have in the fridge.. food was not that much... TT....

lunch and dinner for an egg could be enough for us....

i miss my mom... who never put me in fault for cook whatever i wanted to eat...

tears with me today... and God knows my feeling... why i am too touching this moment...

i promise to study smart... living with others it does not like living with my mom...


after this im going to study after taking my bath..
all the pain i have today, i hope will not affecting my study.. i believe God with me... now and always........

Rule & She's she

just because i stayed outside the campus, my friend asked me whether she joining our group work or not. i wonder why she asking me that because if any task need a group work, we are the team of the group. so i told her we are able to stay in the campus to discuss whatever thing we have to catch up. it does not mean that we cannot cope any task in the team though..

i have explained to her, so she said she glad to hear that. and i was a bit disappointed for what had happened.

today, i found that it is not easy for me to be low-profile in the class. i wanted to keep humble and doing thing right without people notice me. just now my friend discussed about bla3 and her explanation was not the one we are looking for but she was really confident about what she just said. my heart says, i wanted to express what i thought of but i don't. i knew she was wrong. so i let her with her opinion..hehe.. i saw she tried to look professional but..its okay. that's her. hehe

today my stomach knocked me down again.. the pain is too pain..till now.

and the most important is, i break my own rule, not to eat KFC more than once in the month. but today, i ate for the second times on january! my cousin warn me already..hahaha.. then i tell her i change the rule into twice a month! hahaha

so, that's it for today. i want to study after having a free time according to my schedule..hehe..

tata

today's things is getting worst or better??

today, i went to clinic in campus. the doctor was absent so i was checked by his assistant. i have sore throat, flu and a bit coughing. so, he gave me "racun" you know.. but don't be nervous, it just for excrete. hehe.. why i said so is that the label was "racun" hahaha =D

yesterday my aunt and me does not went to visit my uncle who paralyzed by leukemia because the whether really don't allowed us to going out on that day.

today's classes, em.. just okay because our lecturers most of them were not ready yet to lecture us. i really feels that this semester really killing me though.. mdm said that whoever get C or C+ in accounting and costing subjects would not be able to continue their degree in accounting.. that was really really makes me scared. but i know that i won't take degree in accounting..hehe.. so, i don't care but i do care to improve my cgpa and gpa.

my cousin, my friend and i went to shopping a bit for our own convenience. actually, both of them were the one who supposed to purchase the stuff but i am the one who purchase shirt first.. hahaha..

not only that, we were lost a way home...so funny.. my mom had called me whether we have arrived at home or not.. i make a sin today for that.huhu.. i told we had just arrived though..huhu.. sorry mom.. i don't mean it. my cousin was followed my instruction even though i am not really know about Kuching, actually. hahahha.. i just make my own way home and we had made it! hahaha

okay2, i will stop now. i need to do some notes tonight. now is 9.39pm. i have class on tomorrow's morning. i hope what i had learnt today, i keep it in my mind and lock it straight away. hehe =)

so long, tata!

Today & Yesterday

On 2 & 3 jan 2011, i was totally out of mind..

My cousin’s friend, who was accidentally need a house to stay with, she stayed with us because her car was terribly sucks on the road ( i mean out of break function). But then, as she came to our house, i ask her a favour to blacken my hair as my cousin said she expert on that particular thing.. so, she was willing to do it.. we finished everything at 2am.. could you imagined i felt sleepy in that moment...fuh..thx Lisa =)


On 3 Jan, my first class at 8 am. Thank God miss Zahrah is out lecturer for my repeat subject. She was lecture us in accounting subject on last semester. I found that, to be a repeater for a first time does not really bad as i thought but it gives me benefit to learn more details, more understanding on that subject.. thank God for this =)


This evening, my aunt ask me to accompany her to visit my late dad’s friend who was suffered Leukaemia and he do not able to walk anymore.. he has children who are still young and some of them had married. My heart beats slowly and i can feel a sorrow deeply in my heart.. in sudden, my late dad’s face comes across my mind and...that cause me really wanted to cry.. =(


I tried hard to hide all this thing.. i cannot imagine how i could see his friend afterward if i cannot control myself not to cry over.. oh lord, gives me strength to handle this moment.. i need U in every second i breath...... =(
Time pass by, but our life nobody can expect what could happen next.. God who truly repent our sins, have mercy on us....


Im not well this morning. I was “visiting” a toilet a few times and give some memories to it. Hahah =D


I slept at 1pm because i was really tired. My nose totally blocked by “unused chemical”, having my sore throat and fought with my bf.. it is my fault for not very concerned about him.. he was admitted to hospital because his chest in pain but im doing nothing =( i cannot do anything because im not able to drive yet, no car and obviously i don’t remember which road should i use to get him over.. =( bad bad me! TT.....


Today, i hide all my problem and i don’t want it to influence my study, and stress me up. Today has it own problem, so do tomorrow.. that’s what says in the bible... i keep the words. I believes God never leave me.. He is my comfort when im in pain.. He is my saviour even though im a sinner.. How great is our God.....


Tonight, i will spend 2 hours to study after visiting uncle later on. May God gives the light and save him from suffered..... whoever read this blog, please pray for him in faith..

What a Day on a first day in 2011

wow!

u know what? today, i am going back to Kuching but my flight was delayed from 12.40pm to 3.40pm... i felt so sucks, exhausted and starving!

at last, i really cannot stand anymore so i eat chicken burger with my childhood friend. luckily was she with me. we were having fun and chit-chat with each other about university's life, our friends and etc. hahaha =D

but then, i thankful God that i managed to arrived in Kuching airport even though it is out of my schedule.

im out now, so i will keep updating my blog onwards!
tata =)